I recently had one of the weirdest experiences of my life.
And if you knew about my life, you'd know that I've had a hell of a lot of weird experiences.
But this was one of the weirdest.
I went to a place called ChuckECheese, give or take the odd apostrophe s.
It was my nephew's fourth birthday. We arrived at this place which was in a strip mall. We had to stand in line to get in. Once we did, we were stamped on our wrists with some sort of identification or brand - Auchwitz-style.
Then we saw the interior of this place. It was sort of Vegas meets Blackpool. It had every kind of toy known to man with lots of noise and flashing lights.
Because we were there for a 'birthday party', we were escorted to an area at the back of the building, where long tables were set out. There was no greeting for my nephew - no 'happy birthday' signs, just the long table and - this is true - a mechanical rat dancing on a dias. Nothing, apart from the mechanical rat, happened for a long time. Then, pints of beer in plastic glasses arrived.
Needless to say, the kids weren't interested in the pints of beer - and the novelty of the mechanical rat had diminished - so they went on 'rides'. In order to spend two minutes in a mechanical car going back and forth, they had to put a token into a slot. That's right, get American kids used to the idea that everything must be paid for, even a ride at a birthday party...
I waited for the birthday party to start. It didn't. Some chicken wings arrived to join the pints of beer. These of course, we largely ignored by the children. So were the chicken sandwiches which appeared some time later.
I still waited for the party to start.
Two pizzas then arrived. The children continued to put tokens into rides.Eventually a cake, supplied by the parents and not included in the price of the ChuckECheese experience, had its candles lit, the birthday boy blew them out, and then a person in a rat costume arrived, frightening the kids to bits. The staff then handed out party favours, also supplied by the parents, to the children.
The next thing that happened was that the father of the birthday boy had $486 charged to his credit card for half a dozen pints of beer, some chicken wings, a plate of chicken sandwiches and two pizzas.
Of course, this was appalling but what I noticed was that EVERYTHING in the establishment, including the rides, the walls,the floors, the seats, the tables, the beer glasses, the pizzas - everything was plastic.
What hope does America have for the future, I wonder?
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