I enjoyed the top ten grammatical errors I posted yesterday.
But it was copied from another site, so I thought I'd indulge myself by posting my own list today, the grumpy old woman version. Any regular readers of these rants (or rather, reader, I think there might be one, that's all) could probably predict what's going to come first!
1. Erroneous capitalizations!
There are some people who just don't understand, or just refuse to understand, the grammatical importance of capital initials in words. As I have ranted before, there is a lot of difference between Labrador (in Canada) and labrador (the dog). And There Are Some People Who Will Write A Sentence Like This. Ungrammatical, annoying and harder to read. Or, they will capitalize words they think are important, such as "We are a firm of Architects, Designers and Interior Decorators". Eh? For this, read "We are a firm who don't mind if we look stupid". (Or maybe I should have said Stupid to emphasize it???) Everyone was taught at school that capital initials are for proper nouns only.
2. Erroneous apostrophes
Like most companies, TSDG has a styleguide. It's for the use of staff members and lays down our brand rules when it comes to writing. In the styleguide, (written by me, of course) it is clearly stated that anyone using an erroneous apostrophe will be taken out at dawn and shot. Again, it's not difficult. Take that last sentence, it's not difficult - it's is a contraction of it is and the apostrophe replaces the missing letter. Or it is used to show the possessive; that something belongs to someone or something. The dog's bone, the man's wallet. Something I see often is 1950's. Would you write nineteen fifty's? It seems that there are people who like to include an apostrophe after a plural word ending in a vowel - menu's, tomato's, banjo's - or acronyms - PDF's, VIP's, ATM's. I just don't get the 'logic' there. But it does bring me very nicely to number three ...
3. Not undertanding what acronyms stand for.
One I see so often is RSVP please. OK. RSVP stands for repondez s'il vous plait which means reply, if you please or in more common English, please respond. So where's the sense in reply, if you please, please? Or ATM machine. Automatic teller machine machine? PIN number - personal identification number number? IRA account - individual retirement account account? PDF format - portable document format format? And don't say "how am I supposed to know what every damn thing in the world stands for?" I'm sure I don't know what every damn thing in the world stands for but I know the commonly-used ones like ATM. If I know, you must know too.
4. Invented verbs
I see this all the time and it's so annoying and so wrong. Gifting is probably the most irritating. I am going to gift him the book. No, you're going to give him the book. You could even say I am going to give him the book as a gift if you really wanted to but it's not necessary. If you're giving something, rather than selling it, the gift is implied in the word give. Yes? Recently, I have come across architect used as a verb - so very bad. One that makes me chuckle is antiquing. As in, we went antiquing at the weekend. You know that an antique is an old item. We went old-iteming at the weekend. I once knew a chap who used to buy cheap reproduction copper kettles. He would then use a special secret blend of chemicals to make them look old and thus sell them for a lot more. Now, if antiquing is a word, which it isn't, then he could have been described as antiquing, i.e. creating antiques. Going out and buying them isn't the same as creating them."Ah" but you might say "the dictionary says that antique can be a verb". Remember that a dictionary is just a list of words in common usage, not a grammar guide.
5. Redundacies
Seen so often. There was an example above, RSVP please. The word please is redundant because it's already there in RSVP, yes? What about reverse back? Can you reverse forwards? You cannot. Reverse means to go back. There are so many. Free gift - when is a gift not free? Combine together - combine means to mix together. Mix together together? (Join together is similar, of course). Here's my favorite, said by Murray Walker, the king of motorsport commentators, during a Formula One race. And you can see it visually with your own eyes. Excused, because of the heat of the moment!
6. Overuse of ellipses
I'm guilty of this one and I am trying to break the habit ... damn, there I go again. Just as the apostrophe can be used to show that a letter is missing, an ellipsis exists to show that words are missing. From a quotation for example. Like this: To be, or not to be: that is the question ... to sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub. The ellipsis means that there are additional words there in the original quotation. It can also be used to indicate a pause or a sentence left unfinished but should be used sparingly, not like this: You'll enjoy our latest menu items ... we have swordfish ... in tomato sauce ... with basil ... and remember ... that on Fridays ... we have happy hour until seven ... I see it a lot and it seems to be used when people just can't be bothered to think about when they should use commas, periods etc.
7. Text-speak
We probably all use it sometimes in casual situations, but text-speak (or internet chatroom-speak) has no place in professional communications. And I include email under that heading. Every time you write an email from your professional email account, you are giving the recipient clues about your company. (It's called branding!) Years ago, when people used to imagine what like would be like in the 2000s, they thought we would have more leisure time because machines and computers would do everything. But we're busier than before. But how much longer does it take to type thanks, or thank you, than thx?
I think it's less than GR8. LOL.
8. Words that are just plain wrong.
The two I come across the most are nauseous and irregardless; although there are differences. Nauseous is a word, but usually used in the wrong context. Irregardless is not a word; it doesn't exist. Nauseous means in the state of making someone feel sick. If you feel sick yourself, you are nauseated. This is why I chuckle when I hear someone say they are nauseous - what they are saying is that they make me sick! As for irregardless, I can only imagine that this is a mixture of irrespective and regardless. The suffix less at the end of a word makes it negative. He is homeless (without a home) - that was careless (done without care). The prefix ir also indicates a negative. That is irrelevant (not relevant) - that is irresponsible (not responsible). So irregardless means without regard not. I've noticed too that some people say, and probably regarding this topic, "I could care less" when they mean "I couldn't care less". So, they probably couldn't care less ... oops, ellipsis.
9. 'Trendy' words
Who still says bling? No-one. Would you say that something is swell? If I hear someone say "hey dude" that person is usually a chap in his forties with a ponytail that he imagines makes him look younger but actually makes him look older and outdated. Or ghetto-blaster. Or I'm going to the disco in my new boob tube. A trend is something that is not permanent, that's why it's called a trend. It's not going to become a permanent part of our culture. So using these words in your language is enough to date you. Using it in your company's written material will date your company. Many years ago, in the UK, I used to design kitchens. When visiting homes to measure up, I could usually tell how long the present kitchen had been there just because of the colors. "Red and white kitchen?" I'd say "1981".
10. Using six words when two will do.
Or using ten when three will do. Or four when one will do. Or using a great big word when a small one will do. Take your pick. I once had a client who would have won competitions for doing this. He would practically utilize something rather than use it. No-one thought he was clever; just the opposite. This was, as someone said on the internet, the consequences of erudite vernacular utilized irrespective of necessity. The client in question was full of turnkey solutions, synergystic relationships, paradigm shifts, implementing enterprise issues, energising mindsets and keen to run things up the flagpole to ensure that we were singing from the same songsheet. He thought outside the box and facilitated application systems, FYI. And all this from a restaurateur! I told him to sell the sizzle and not the char-grilled protein product cut perpendicular to the muscle fibres of a cud-chewing bovine quadruped.
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Sometimes, a client will say "well, other people do it. I see it all the time". And that makes it right? There are some other people who are murderers or child molesters - that doesn't make it right. Use bad grammar in your letters and material you produce yourself, if you must. But in a TSDG project, bad grammar will be corrected. If you look stupid, we look stupid and I'm not having that!
Oh yes, and there are probably grammatical errors in this rant. Nobody's perfect - especially when grumpy.
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