Don't you sometimes wonder who writes these bloody things?
Every time I switch on the telly, I see some ad or other that makes me cringe. What annoys me? Well, most ads, if I'm honest. (Especially the plethora of ads for products to enhance the male member. What is wrong with the American willy, I wonder?)
So here's the grumpy old woman's list:
But you must call now ...:
No, I must not. One very good reason is the fact that I saw your blasted ad yesterday and a week ago and at those times I "must call now" too. Furthermore, I don't like shouty blokes on the telly telling me what I must do. Don't pretend that this is a 'limited time offer' when you've been running the ad for years. This just isn't going to work and it makes you look daft.
Risk-free:
What does this mean? I hear it all the time. To be at risk means to be in a dangerous situation or status; in jeopardy. Why should buying a vacuum cleaner expose me to hazard, jeopardy or danger? I just can't see it. If their vacuum cleaners would expose me to hazard, jeopardy and danger, that's not saying very much about their product, is it?
Easy payments:
What is this bollocks? Easy payments? If you're mean, like me, payments are never easy. I hate parting with the stuff.
In the comfort of your own home:
How do they know my home is comfortable? Why not just say 'at home'? I even saw at the iTunes store the other day that I can buy an app for my phone that will allow me to use Facebook 'from the comfort of my own iPhone'. A quick Google found:
Explore the mystery and splendor of ancient Egypt from the comfort of your own computer.
Controlling your home from the comfort of your own car
Simply access the web seminar from the comfort of your own office.
Wanna save the planet from the comfort of your own cell phone?
You can heal acne scars from the comfort of your own bathroom.
It is of course more fun to browse the data set from the comfort of your own local database.
Its becoming easier to spread your news all around from the comfort of your own website.
You can try some of the most famous hot springs from the comfort of your own tub.
But I think the one I liked the most was (excuse the caps, they're not mine) "Lose Body Fat From the Comfort of Your Own Home". That opens up so many questions and bizarre thoughts that the mind definitely boggles.
Hurry, this won't last:
Yes, I know that they mean that the offer won't last. But when I'm looking at an image of a new super-duper vacuum cleaner that I can buy in three easy payments, risk-free, then 'this won't last' says to me that the damned thing will break down after a week or two.
Free gift:
Oh, come on. A gift, by definition, is something that you're given, free of charge. If you have to pay for it, it isn't a gift. So why include the 'free' bit? It's as bad as free bonus. If you're writring an ad, at the very least try to be grammatical.
Oh, and this is something I see a lot in print rather than on tv...
Fun fact:
What makes a fact fun? The one I just read was 'Fun Fact: 59332 of our 190857 members have author photos uploaded (31%). Their market credibility is HIGHER than the other 69%. '
That's fun???
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